Not good! Unacceptable....Downright depressing

I weighed myself today. I have gained 1 pound. GAINED!!!! What the heck!!I am so frustrated. I cried my eyes out all morning. Marc was of no comfort and only yelled at me for weighing myself. He didn't even try to comfort me! I won't say what I think of him right now, cause I rather not think of him!

No word on the elliptical - and the fitness center closes after this week for two weeks!

After weighing myself this morning I threw away the rest of the cake (which was practically the whole thing!) I can blame myself for eating three pieces of that. But really in three weeks of eating right (with one day slipping) and exercising and riding the elliptical, I actually gain weight!!

Makes me wonder, "Am I supposed to be huge?" I am tired of being so fat!!

I will not give up, what is there to give up really. I enjoy exercising. I like eating healthy food. I am just so frustrated right now.

 Few hours later...
Okay after reading past blogs and talking it out with people, I am in a better frame of mind. Seems I need to take my own advice and stop whining, remember it is a slow process, and just keep going! Just keep walking, putting one foot in front of the other.

Back on track!

Okay, I am rid of "Old Judi" mentality and have gotten myself back in a good frame of mind.  Went to the Fitness Center and road the elliptical for 2 minutes longer. Up to 17 minutes!! One of which was going backwards. Not to pat myself on the back, but "Yeah Me!!" Tomorrow I will go for 20 minutes...I will let you know how that goes.

I haven't weighed myself yet (been about three weeks now) but I am assuming I am at the 278 mark. I hope. I will find out tomorrow morning. Trying to stay positive!

What would be a healthy dinner for my family and I, that the fam would actually eat? Any Suggestions?

Why do I do this to myself?

I just ate yet another big piece of fruity tooty Banana cake. Why, cause it was there and it was good. No one else in the family is eating it. I need to throw it away, but no I cant seem to make myself. I want to lose weight. I am sticking to my diet in all other areas. I am exercising.
Why is it so easy to gain 10 pounds, but so difficult to lose 2!?  15 minutes of exercise should = 15 minutes of eating.
And now I have another mouth to feed! So that means more food in the house.
I can do all things through Jesus Christ who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:13
I need some strength right now. 
NO MORE CAKE! NO MORE CAKE! (chant it with me) NO MORE CAKE! NO MORE CAKE!

I hope I can get an eliptical soon. Found one on Craigslist today...Would love to have it. The fitness center at the college is closed for two weeks starting next week. I need to keep going...I don't want to gain what I have lost. Not one pound of it....So why am I eating cake!! Excuse me while I go think about throwing it away.

Another week down!

Haven't weighed myself in a while, too scared of what the blasted scale will say! I know, I know, I have been working hard and eating right, but sometimes the scale doesn't agree. It has been a little rough lately...not to stay on my diet, but to have hope that all I am doing is actually accomplishing anything. My clothes still fit the same. I have such a long weigh (pun intended) to go, and I know that it will take a while to get there, but I should be losing more than 1 pound a month!! Which is what it feels like.

However, I will press on!
So to help myself get in the right frame of mind, I have decided to list some good things about working out and eating healthy. They are:
 1- I can go up stairs without embarrassing myself by breathing hard  or stopping midway up cause I can't breath.
2- I walk faster and with a longer stride.
3- I am stronger
4- I can squat down and rise back up without holding on to something or falling on my face!!
5- I don't think about food all the time now
6- I don't fear sitting on things and having them collapse from my weight near as much.
7- Confidence is coming back
8- I have met some truly great people along this journey, who have either helped me by going there with me, giving me guidance, and/or encouraging me to keep going.

To anyone reading this who doesn't know me, I hope you will start your own journey and share it with me. It isn't easy, but it is soooooo worth it!

I want to eat everything in sight!

Help, I want to eat everything in sight. But I am not hungry. I think my brain is telling me to go ahead and eat because I did 15 minutes on the elliptical today. That's right - 15 minutes!! One of which was faster than normal!
I really hope Marc gets me an elliptical for Mother's Day! I really want one for at home.
I am off to church. Therefore I shall have a greater chance of resisting overeating! LOL, but true...

Oh Well, who needs mirrors anyway!

Don't you hate it when you are feeling really good, and thinking to yourself, "I feel thinner today, in fact I am much better than yesterday!" and then as you are sitting somewhere and you look around and there in a reflective glass is the reflection of your HUGE body!! And you think, there is no way that is me! So you look again and low and behold, Oh it is you alright!! That happened to me today! I could have taken it one of two ways: 1) a reason to loathe myself or 2) with grace and realize, it may be my reflection, but it is not who I am! I chose the latter. Although, I did want to vomit...
I hate mirrors...they are constantly lying to me.

TIP
While you are waiting for the water in the shower to warm up, do 10 squats while keeping your tummy tucked in (and breathing). Then do 20 twists with your arms straight out to your sides (keep that tummy sucked in to your bellybutton - as my trainer always says). This helps you get ready for the day and reminds you keep it going.

 

Keeping it going!

I am almost at the 40 pound mark. For the first time ever, I can truly see myself thin. I know I will succeed. I did the elliptical today and lasted 12 minutes. Not bad for someone who could last only 8 minutes a week ago. Been working out and staying consistent on my diet...there is no going back to eating junk, processed foods. They taste nasty to me now. God truly has delivered me from that kind of eating! He gets all the glory! He has sent people at just the right moments to encourage and strengthen me in this "losing" journey.
I have decided to reward myself with a full body massage every 50 pounds I lose. I used to turn to "nondiet" foods, like ice cream, brownies and such, but I have just incorporated them into my diet on occasion. But truth be told, I don't eat that but maybe once a month, and I don't miss it.
I love how my body is shaping up too. I love being able to squat down and pick things up! I love not having to have someone else do things for me cause my health or body fat won't let me! AND it is just going to get better!!!!
I see others in the gym at work (students) who need the same routine as I have and want so badly to help them, but I also know I wouldn't want someone walking up to me and saying, "I can help you lose weight!" AS IF!  lol. I have to keep reminding myself, I still need help too! I have not made it yet... I will though, watch out world, Judi is almost back!