Fear will stop forward motion!

I am 94 pounds down...I have been on a plateau for 6 month now. My trainer is trying different things and exercises. I guess my body is adjusting to the new size and level. God is teaching me new things about myself. For instance, I have now come to realize, I have had a lot of fears: Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the dark, fear of heights, fear of not being important, fear of being too pretty (vanity I know - keep reading, I will explain), fear of being not pretty enough, fear of not being smart enough, fear of not sounding smart enough, fear of the unknown, fear of older two story houses (they could burn down and I would get stuck up there!) and many more ridiculous, irrational fears.

God is teaching me that these fears - as insane and irrational as they are- are stopping me from going forward in my weightloss and that to go forward and sustain my weightloss I need to get rid of them.  For example, my fear of being too pretty - I know right!!- is a true fear for me because...well, okay I am about to make a confession here - while I love and adore my husband, he is not the most - {deep breath} - affectionate. He doesn't necessarily think it important to tell me - out loud, with words - that I am attractive to him. But boy does he love to receive it! AND if you have ever read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts By: Gary Chapman - a book I highly recommend - you will know the that one of the love languages is "Words of Affirmation". That is my #1 love language and it is the one language my husband refuses - yes refuses, not just being stubborn, but absolutely resolved never to do. 

I am a moderately attractive woman and the thinner I become, the better I look - in my overly confident, not so humble opinion. Which is where the fear comes from. You see, others are telling me how great and pretty I look...not just women. It is hard for me for two reasons.

First, when it comes from a handsome man, -to be honest - I am tempted and wonder why my husband doesn't say those kind words.  I mean really, would it kill him? or I think 'he just doesn't love me enough to actually feel those words are true.' You know what I mean? Does he think it, but not enough to let me know? While another man feels so strongly that he tells me...Not that I think every man who tells me 'is in love with me!" I don't, but why doesn't my husband when he knows how important to my psyche it is. It is a dark place I hate to be in, and I don't like it! But God is working on my husband and me. 

Secondly, what if I fall back into the trap I was in before when I was thin. It was a dangerous, dark pit! Basically, my thought process was 'All I have are my looks; I am not smart, I am not athletic, all I have to get by is my cute figure and good looks'. AND boy did I use them. I can admit that shamefully I did use my cute blonde hair/blue-eyes look to manipulate situations to get what I wanted...and it worked 99% of the time - and still does. Because lets face it - the world loves a pretty face and favors them! God brought me out of that stinkin' thinkin' and showed me I was more than just my looks. I am smart and I don't have to be fearful or intimidated by others I view as intelligent or successful. However, it is so easy to go back to that thought process, when I am around highly educated people. It doesn't help that I work at a college, where there are many who have much more education than I.

I guess really, that this is the biggest fear that I need to get rid of. However, a close second would be the fear of failure. I don't want to fail at this. I give all glory of this weightloss to God who has been my strength and help. I don't want to disappoint Him.  Even worse have others think that God just wasn't enough for me, so He won't be enough for them. HE is enough! Wow! Just typing that really helped me see how ridiculous that is! Hahahaha! He is enough! ALWAYS!!! I am victorious in Him! AND you are too!

Okay, thats enough for today. I have walked 5 miles and posted on my blog, so now its time to spend some time cleaning my house! lol, it is messy and it doesn't look like anyone else is willing to clean it - so its up to me. I hope you have a great day and that just maybe I have helped you in some small way.

~Judi

God is Working in Me!

Just a quick update. I have lost 76 pounds as of yesterday. I am still working out with my trainer Ryan at Hammer Bodies and eating as best as I can. I have attached before and after photos, if you care to look.

What a difference 45 pounds can make!!

I have a headache and dizzy feeling today, so I think I might be getting a cold, but I hope it will pass soon. It is almost the 4th of July and I don't want to miss out on all the fun.
Have a great holiday everyone...

Been a while

Well, to God be the glory, I am down 62 lbs! That is right. If this chocaholic, food addict can change her ways, by the grace of God, anyone can! I feel like I have been set free. And I have been. Today I went to eat a cookie that someone set out in the breakroom at work. I took a bite and thought this isn't satisfying, but I took another and knew, it wasn't worth losing my peace of mind over. I threw it away! Me, Judi Neeley, threw a chocolate chip candied cook in the trash can! A year ago I don't think I would have had the will or the power to do such a thing. God is stronger, when I am weak. God is stronger than any addiction I have. He is my light and my salvation and my STRONGHOLD! I love the transformation my body is making. Slowly but surely the weight is coming off. My muscles are getting stronger, and my appetite is getting weaker and surprisingly my tastebuds are changing towards the healthier, "greener" foods.

Also I am training for my first half marathon in October. I won't be running it, but I want to finish under 3.5 hours. I plan on keeping a 16 min. mile. I have been able to maintain a 17 min. mile for 5 miles. I know I will do it. I hope to be down in the 210's by then and that will help tremendously!

Insanity!

So, I have these sons that wanted the work out DVD's Insanity by Beachbodies for Christmas. Of course my husband and I got it for them...then they started saying "WE" need to start doing this together and "WE" will start on Jan. 9. I was amused and thought to myself, 'yeah right! I can't do that! It is way over my fat body's level'. Well, my wonderful sons didn't let me cop out and have held me to it. This is the fourth day and wow am I sore. There are a few exercises that I can't do, but I jog in place or modify it to fit my body, but I keep moving. It will be worth it in the end. We even took before pictures and plan to take after photos as well. I will post the two week results when they come. The work out reminds me of a saying I recently read - 'Sweat is fat crying'. My fat has cried A LOT lately!!! :D

God is so faithful because with His help, my eating is much more under control and I am following the plan. It hasn't been easy. Getting off of sugar the second time is difficult. I believe it might be more difficult than the first time. It doesn't help that I can't go outside right now (snowing) to get out of the house where the food is. However, I try to get into the word for my daily bread.

I am rereading the book Made to Crave and am getting more inspiration. I love this book. I am starting a Bible study in my home on Tuesdays using this book. I am excited about it. I know there are a lot of people who need this, like me.

The stress of life can knock me off course and shake things up every now and then, but God is my one Constant. There are a lot of things going on right now that have made we want to eat junk to stuff it all away. Food addiction really is like alcoholism. You think that it satisfying but truthfully, it lasts for only a moment and your stresses are still there, so you cram more stuff down your throat. If you are in this mode, please stop! It won't help. I know I have been there. The only thing gorging yourself will do is make you very fat and very unhealthy...cause let's face it, you never pig-out on carrot stick or celery! Oh no, it is that chocolate cake, cookies, ice cream, or whatever sugary delight you can find, that is going into your mouth. Stop the madness and go throw it away!  I know you paid good money for it. I know it would be a waste. But it will only adds to your waist!

Seriously, you were made for more! You are worth more! I tell this to myself every morning. Sometime there are tears...sometime there is confidence, but I know that I know, God has plans for me, and right now, I know getting healthy is my #1 priority. He loves me enough to help me through this, and He loves you enough to help you also. Trust Him. Rely on the God who created you and knows your weaknesses to get you through this. He never promised it would be easy, but He did promise He would be there with you. Please do not let go...I promise you there's hope. There is Victory! His Grace is Sufficient for today.

You may think you are alone in this battle, but you aren't. I am in that same boat with you. Let's get through today making healthier choices. You can do it, I believe in you!

Forever Relying on God's Grace,
Judi

New Year, New Attitude

It is a new year and that calls for a clean slate! If I have made a new resolution this year it is to GO FOR IT! I need to forget the past failures and press on to my goal. Also, while I am going for it, I WILL keep a good attitude! Remain in JOY! I have a tendency to get stuck in a rut of muck and mire and lose hope. Not this time. I am going to keep my focus on CHRIST and let him help me achieve my goal.
Too often I take things into my own hands and try to run with them. It amounts to the equivalent of a cripple running with scissors; I don't get very far and I seem to always end up hurt and worse off than when I started.

So if you are ready to press on for the prize with me, let me know! We can keep each other accountable.

My prize is to reach 80 pounds lost this year. I lost 40 last year and want to step it up a bit and really and truly practice what I know to be true and right. Which is Eat Healthy, Be Healthy and Move!

You should join me! Isn't it time for you to be all that Christ has called you to be? I know it won't be easy ~2011 proved that!~ but it is so worth it!

So to start the year off right - eat a salad for supper! ~don't pour on the dressing! Don't pour on the cheese and croutons! Do fill it with raw spinach, green leafy lettuce, carrots and cucumbers.~
And add 4oz of lean meat.

~TIP~

You have heard the saying, "You aren't supposed to wear white after Labor Day". Well, my nutritionalist has told me, "Don't EAT white after labor's done (when I get off work)". White being sugar, flour, and starches; basically all white carbs are out after 4:30 for me. Carbs from fruits and vegetables are limited.

Here is to a Happy, Healthy, Productive and Prosperous 2012!

In Christ,

Judi

Merry Christmas

Well, it is a little late, but since no one reads this anyway it won't matter.

When you are trying to lose weight, the holidays are hard! I can't even tell you how hard it is to deny temptations, when they are bombarding you all day, every minute, every single second of the day! I can say the more you say NO, the more empowered you get. But then Fudge comes along and totally melts your resolve!

I love fudge. It is smooth, creamy, chocolaty and full of delicious savory flavors that satisfy my very happy taste buds!! I feel it from my head to my toes. A good creamy dark chocolate pecan fudge can make my toes curl. I am drooling as I type this and I have had enough to sink a ship!!

Oh fudge! How I Love/Hate thee! My hips scream out thy name! My scale curses thy presence!

To top it off, typing this blog has been the most exercise my body has gotten this whole week off! Well, that isn't exactly true, but very close.

Enough is enough! Time to get going. Time to stop sitting and watching LMN movies and get moving. But what should I do? It is way too cold outside to do anything outdoors. Isn't it? Well maybe not. I could bundle up! I also have an elliptical downstairs...in the cold,dark, dank basement.

Okay, if I can do it, (and I will!) then you can do it!  I will lose at least a pound before the end of the year! Not just water weight either! lol, cause that would be too easy.

Well here is too a happy, healthy and adventurous new year!

Turkey Sliders

I made these last night and everyone loved them! They were quite scrumptious, if I do say so myself. I wouldn’t have put the ingredients together, but they were quite good and my boys ate them up! Philip said he didn’t mind eating healthy as long as it tastes good like this did. I took that as a complement.
So enjoy!

Turkey Sliders
Topping

    * 1 cucumber, diced
    * 1/2 cup crumbled mozzerella
    * 2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
    * 1 teaspoon fresh mint leaves, minced
    * 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
    * Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper

Mix all together and chill while making burgers.


 Burgers

    * 1 1/2 pounds ground turkey
    * 1 teaspoon garlic powder
    * 1 teaspoon onion powder
    * salt & pepper
    * Whole Wheat Dinner Rolls or Whole wheat flat bread (100 calories)

Cut rolls in half to make the buns and set aside. Mix ingredients with the turkey. Take little chunks at a time a press into small slider patties. Cook in a pan or on the GF grill until done. I spray the pan with olive oil first. When burgers are cook place on the buns and add the topping.


Makes about 18 sliders.

STOP!

If you know me well, you know I hit every RED light there is! Lights see me coming and turn yellow then red immediately.  I don't know why, it just seems I am a magnet for them. I think maybe God has a message in this for me, but what? It seems everything I do - whether it is housework, writing my book, going on a trip, helping someone, and yes even losing weight - or try to do, I run into a giant Stop sign! 

Today, my van is on it's last breath and I just needed it to take me to work and back. I literally had to stop at every light in Union. Six of them in a three mile stretch. My van tends to stop breathing and chokes on me when I come to a stop. I have to turn off the car and restart it. ANNOYING!!! On the trip home from work, I kept asking God why He was allowing the lights to turn red on me, no answer came. However, while I continued to hit red light after red light, my van never died. Which is an amazing feat all in itself.  Yet, I still whined...and whined. When I pulled into the driveway and my van coughed, but didn't stop breathing, God let me know - I made it home! 

Indeed I did. I humbly apologized for being a whinny baby and started saying Thanks. 

I have been a BIG WHINNY BABY a lot lately!  Thankful for what I have, but very discontent. Especially with where I am in my weightloss. I see the photo down below of me three months ago and 35 pounds lost. That was, again, THREE months ago. Now I am only 40 pounds down. Thats 5 pounds in 3 months! Really?! Seriously, I have busted my butt, but my butt won't come off! Neither will my gut! Stoplight! Don't get me wrong, I am not going to stop. What I am going to do is stop stressing over it. It has to come off eventually!

I have even started jogging while I walk. Stoplight! My knees are not liking it at all and you can forget about my lower back even wanting to do anything the next day. But I will prevail! I feel better - minus the knees and lower back - and know I am doing all I can to do. Really?! Am I? 

No, I should walk more. Twice a week, really doesn't cut it. I rationalize that it is now dark when I get home and that is is freezing cold in the morning. I have an elliptical downstairs I could ride anytime, but do I --NO! Why not? - I have no answer to that. Which is an answer all in itself - laziness! Not enough motivation! Really? Seriously, 275 lbs isn't enough motivation?

Well.....GO already!

French Proverb

"Gourmets dig their graves with their teeth."

Had a great week last week. This week is going pretty good also. Have lost weight and am almost at my next mountain peek! Been walking a lot lately, but haven't had a chance to do the elliptical because my knee is acting up on me. Aggravating to be ready to do something only to have to stop for mechanical problems! This journey is hard enough, now this has added insult to injury! But I keep on plugging.

Been writing down everything I eat and all my exercise. It has helped me a great deal. Was tempted last night while shopping to buy some Keebler Grasshoppers; Dark Chocolate minty goodness! I figured "2 a day wouldn't hurt me! I have been good!" but then I remembered a line from the book I am reading called, "Made to Crave", that stated any reward that isn't beneficial to your health or healthy living isn't a reward at all, it is a stumbling block. I knew if I bought them I would eat more than just "2" a day. In fact I am pretty sure the whole box would have been gone before I got home. I was desperately craving chocolate!! So I didn't buy them. I reassured myself that, "I don't deserve what those would do to me!" I would have became a chocolate monster and ate every single one of them. Let me restate that; I would have inhaled every single one of them. I wanted to right there in the store!! It took every ounce of will-power I had, which wasn't much - Praise God, He stepped in and gave me strength - to put those cookies back on the shelf and walk away. It would have tasted good for a second or three, but this morning I wouldn't have felt good and the shame would be overwhelming. Instead, I feel pretty good and my body is still on the right path. And I truly didn't miss out on anything! I went home and had a small Andés Mint instead. It satisfied my tastebuds and didn't ruin everything I have been working towards.

A wise person stated - "We never repent of having eaten too little." - I try to keep that in mind because I was made for more than this!

Wrong Question - Part I

This is a message God gave me yesterday that I just started preaching out loud to myself when no one else was home. Please note God gets all the glory for this. He gave this to me to empower me. I pray it will do the same for you.

When someone asks me "How did you lose weight?", I have learned that they are asking the wrong question. Because honestly, when you think about it, everyone knows HOW to lose weight. Everyone. Two words. Diet & Exercise. That is how. You aren't going to be able to do it any other way and have success losing and keeping it off! It just ain't gonna happen.

So then what is the question that should be asked? I am convinced, from my past experiences that it should be "Why did you lose the weight?" or to make it more personal, which is what needs to be done, one should ask, "Why do I need to lose the weight?". Why do you need to? Why do you want to? What is your reason? Is it to look good? Is it to be healthier? Maybe you need to go deeper. What is the real reason you look at people who are thin or have lost weight and feel that longing to be like them? Is it so you can feel better physically? Is it so you will be around to see your kids graduate? Get married? Is it to be able to see your grandkids not only grow up but play with them before they do grow up? Or could it be even more personal, like, so you will fit into your spouse's arms? Maybe you need to lose the weight because you know you are not able to physically do what you are called to do. Are you not able to fulfill your purpose because of too much extra weight or you aren't physically in shape? 

What is your "Why?" Until you are able to answer that question openly and honestly you will continue to try and fail at losing weight or getting in shape. Think about it. Pray about it. Ask the One who knows all things to reveal it to you.  And be ready to do some hard looking at your life. 

When you have the answer read Part II.

Encouragement for the Soul

“I freed a thousand slaves.  I could have freed a thousand more if only they knew they were slaves.” Harriet Tubman

I was a slave to my food addiction, but I didn't know it.  I would do whatever it wanted me to do. I never said no, but always thought I was in control. Some control, I coward in front of cake. I whined for lack of chocolate. I was no match for the power of food, and had no idea what a stronghold it was to me.

However,

I am freed in the name of Jesus Christ, who is my strength!! I don't have to bow to my addictions anymore. I no longer have to feel ashamed and weak. I am not strong in my own strength but in the Creator of all things, Jehovah God. He is my strength; He is my provider; He is my healer. He has broken my chains of slavery, for I was in bondage to food, and has set me free. 

Free to live my life on purpose! With a purpose! For a purpose! Praise be to Him alone!

-Just had to share that! 

Party!! what to have that I can eat...

My son Timothy graduated tonight. So we had a small party for him. That is probably the hardest part for me in my weightloss journey (wlj). I never know what kind of food to fix or serve and celebrations call for cakes! There needs to be a healthier solution. I did get cupcakes so there were single servings. I ate 3/4th of it. But I had fried chicken and potato salad also! It was quick to buy and easy. I didn't have time to fix anything myself,so I took the easy way out.
Everyone liked it, and Tim was blessed and had a great time. I can't believe how grown up he is!
What would be a good alternative to cake?

Truth

I heard a great saying today and thought it was worth sharing.

"I am not going to miss out on something great just because it might also be hard"

Losing weight is one of the hardest things I have had to do. However it is also the best things I have had to do. It is coming off way too slowly for my liking, but it is coming off. It has been hard, very hard, and at times painful. But I feel so much better and at least I know I am doing all I can.

While it hasn't been easy, it has been easier knowing I have people who support me through this. I am so thankful for my sister, friends, and for my trainer, Ryan. I am not sure I would keep going without them! I gain so much encouragement from them.

Also I have to add Marc has been my best supporter! He doesn't know the right things to say all the time, but I know he means well and that he believes in me. I also know if I never lost another pound, he would still love me. Nothing better than that!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Back on track!

Okay, I am rid of "Old Judi" mentality and have gotten myself back in a good frame of mind.  Went to the Fitness Center and road the elliptical for 2 minutes longer. Up to 17 minutes!! One of which was going backwards. Not to pat myself on the back, but "Yeah Me!!" Tomorrow I will go for 20 minutes...I will let you know how that goes.

I haven't weighed myself yet (been about three weeks now) but I am assuming I am at the 278 mark. I hope. I will find out tomorrow morning. Trying to stay positive!

What would be a healthy dinner for my family and I, that the fam would actually eat? Any Suggestions?

Another week down!

Haven't weighed myself in a while, too scared of what the blasted scale will say! I know, I know, I have been working hard and eating right, but sometimes the scale doesn't agree. It has been a little rough lately...not to stay on my diet, but to have hope that all I am doing is actually accomplishing anything. My clothes still fit the same. I have such a long weigh (pun intended) to go, and I know that it will take a while to get there, but I should be losing more than 1 pound a month!! Which is what it feels like.

However, I will press on!
So to help myself get in the right frame of mind, I have decided to list some good things about working out and eating healthy. They are:
 1- I can go up stairs without embarrassing myself by breathing hard  or stopping midway up cause I can't breath.
2- I walk faster and with a longer stride.
3- I am stronger
4- I can squat down and rise back up without holding on to something or falling on my face!!
5- I don't think about food all the time now
6- I don't fear sitting on things and having them collapse from my weight near as much.
7- Confidence is coming back
8- I have met some truly great people along this journey, who have either helped me by going there with me, giving me guidance, and/or encouraging me to keep going.

To anyone reading this who doesn't know me, I hope you will start your own journey and share it with me. It isn't easy, but it is soooooo worth it!

The Beginning

At this point I have lost 30 pounds. A mere drop in the bucket of what I need to lose, but it is a good start.
Why I Began This Journey
A year ago I saw a photo of myself and thought 'yuck, that can't be what I look like!'  When I voiced this out loud to a friend, her reply was, "but that's you, and you are beautiful!" My heart stopped! That wasn't me!! Which lead me to start thinking about who I was verses who I had become. I thought of myself as a happy, easy-going yet competitive, try anything once, outgoing, always joyous person. But truthfully, that wasn't me anymore.  I had become, in the past 15 years, an inactive, easy-going, minimal effort, sometimes happy person who lacked self-confidence. I had given up doing the things I love to do. I stopped going places that I once enjoyed.  I had given up living life to the fullest for...what? Food? Because I was tired?
No more!! I can't and won't let my size dictate to me who I will be anymore.

What I Did About It
I started walking on March 3. One mile on Wednesday night for the first two weeks, then I added a mile on Saturday mornings. Soon it was two miles on those nights. I also cut my diet in half. I tried Weight Watchers points (without paying and going to the meetings) because a friend was successful using it and showed me how. It worked for a while, but I hit a plateau. I stayed on that plateau for 4 months, not gaining or losing. I joined a program at work for walkers and started walking at work everyday. I lost a few more pounds.

Where I Am Now
In November I went to see a Nutritionist and Personal Trainer. In two months, I have lost 2 inches from my waste and 1.5 inches off my hips, but only about a pound of fat.